Welcome to another episode of Tryhard Academy where it’s always better to Get Good rather than Get Wrecked.

 

          Speaking of “getting wrecked”, this podcast episode deals with “how to deal with salty opponents” from a humorous standpoint.  (Yeah. We’re going there.)

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           For those of you interested in shining on people who’re rude and obnoxious to you, this episode’s for you. Here’s a few things we’ve done to deal with this issue from our personal gameplay experience.

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           As a quick disclaimer, it’s important to note that any of the tricks you learn from us on this episode, you do at your own risk. We’re not accepting any responsibility for anything you do, or any of the consequences that come from your actions. This should be a given, but you never know, there might be someone out there who’s brain-dead enough to try and blame us.

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          With that understanding, let’s dive right in.

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1. The Art Of War.

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          It’s rather easy for someone to irritate another person by trading snarky remarks and sarcasm. You want learn how to trade verbal barbs? Go listen and watch your favorite stand-up comic deal with a heckler in the audience. Better yet, go watch a few episodes of Married With Children and pay attention to Ed O’Neill in character as Al Bundy, and you’ll notice a few things.

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One: He knows his life sucks, and yet he keeps going. Why? Because he doesn’t give a damn.

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Two: He lives in the glory days of his past; much like a few of the ham-fisted, mouth-breathing apes who play Magic today who think they’re the next Jon Finkel or Travis Woo, they have unrealistic expectations of their future selves. (Incidentally enough, some of those same people have questionable hygiene practices, much like Al.)

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Three: He’s a fictional character that was based on the misconceptions of what it means to be a stereotypical man in the U.S. during the late 1980’s and much of the 1990’s.

 

           So what does any of this have to do with pissing off your opponent? It’s all about the Art of War. It’s about learning to pick your battles, so that your opponents don’t pick them for you. Or as Sun Tzu would put it, “All warfare is based on deception” (Verse 18, Chapter 1, The Art of War). Likewise, a true conqueror doesn’t take part in most wars.

 

          Why? Because transparency is the most dangerous form of deception.

 

          Therefore, the real art of the insult can be found within the timing and the context of the insult. If your opponent(s) are easily irritable, then get under their skin with plays that would normally piss them off; then pretend to be weak, that they may grow arrogant.

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          What does this mean in practice? If an opponent plays a turn 1 sol ring or sensei’s divining top, counter it with a Mental Misstep or Force of Will. And if you’re not playing blue, immediately find a way to destroy it. Most people won’t expect it. If your opponent drops a karoo land, like a Dimir Aqueduct or Simic Growth Chamber, use a Strip Mine on it. Make them suffer  for it.

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          For you blue players, here’s a word or two about the usage of free counterspells. Even if you have the extra blue card to pitch to Force of Will, make sure you do it with a Pact of Negation in your hand for back up. It’s bound to catch an opponent or two off guard and possibly even make one or two of them tilt. (Pro Tip: Don’t be afraid to use jank free counterspells like Disrupting Shoal, or even to chain one free counterspell into another, like Thwart into Foil.)

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          Finally on this topic, don’t be afraid to tabletalk. Not only can it confuse your enemies, it helps them with their own threat assessment, which can take the heat off you in mid game. After all, at the end of the day, it’s not about who’s right, it’s about who’s left.

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2. It’s All In The Cards: Using Cards Like Memes.

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          Who doesn’t like a good meme? A meme, when it’s done right, is funny and memorable. And some of the best verbal insults come in the form of memes. For example, in one of Jeff’s semi-competitive decks (his Edric deck in fact), he runs a foiled Foil in it, and uses puns related to the word “Foil” when he uses it to counter a spell.

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          Other cards can be used in this same fashion to really spark the ire in a person. If you’ve played Modern for example, you’re probably familiar with the card Inquisition of Kozilek.

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          Well, how do you think you’d feel if you were hit with a Spanish-language Inquisition of Kozilek? You’d probably get a bit irritated, and at the very least, confused. Why? Because no one ever suspects the Spanish Inquisition.

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          In that same vein, there are some cards in the game of magic that you can use like a calling card when a person starts getting salty. Examples include Sowing Salt, Rain of Salt, and other cards that reference the word “salt” in the flavor text. (See what we did there?)

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          One of the things that Jeff does when an opponent gets salty is that he tosses a pissed off opponent a copy of the card Life Goes On, which is a common from Hour of Devastation. He keeps a small stack of them in his Sidisi Ad Nauseam Fishbowl deck for when someone gets mad at him winning before turn 4.

 

          Cole does something similar with Rain of Salt.

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          Another thing that Cole does, from time to time, is that he includes different borders and different art for the basic lands that he uses. This is done mainly to get under the skin of a rival who has OCD about their particular landbase. When doing this, make sure that all the lands mismatch. (Pro Tip: Make sure you throw in a few different foreign language basic arts, also following the guidelines above related to different borders, art, etc. It’s bound to piss off a rival who is particular about the art of their cards.)

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          Finally, a word or two should be mentioned about the usage of proxies. Some people hate them, some people love them, and by now, you’ve probably heard our discussion on the topic. In this situation, we’re talking about using funky art for your proxies, or using art that doesn’t per se have to do with the actual card; an example would be using Japanese anime schoolgirl art, for example, on your basic lands. Affectionately around here at the Academy, we refer to this practice, in a short-hand manner, as “scrap-booking for a#&%-holes”. (Some people actually do get tilted with this practice because it screws with their conception of what’s supposed to be normal for them.)

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3. Comedy by Performance.

 

          One of the funnier ways of pissing off an opponent has been in the way a person cuts their deck. Or in Cole’s case, how he takes an opponent’s deck and, before cutting it, sends it to the Toxic Deluge for that extra little bit of TLC.

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          The inside joke here is that Cole wears a kilt from time to time. And when we talk about taking a deck and taking it to the toxic deluge, he physically simulates taking someone’s deck and rubbing it near his genitals before cutting it.
 

          Is this gross and unsanitary? Of course it is. But remember, he’s really only simulating it; he’s not actually doing it. (Remember that it’s all a part of the mind-games.)

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          Some of the things that Jeff does includes the cut of death (purposely only taking the top card or two of someone’s library and putting it on the bottom), or purposely shifting the cards around of someone else’s deck, while shuffling their deck, so that their cards are in odd facing directions. (That trick, in particular, is especially useful with someone who has OCD about their cards.)

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          As for these particular methods of irritation, we only suggest doing stuff like this with people who you’re cool with, not necessarily random people you don’t know.

 

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4. Spiking Your Rival(s).

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          Another method that’s sure to raise an eyebrow or two with a table full of goofballs is to spike your rival out of the game. Very simply, this involves spiking someone out of the game, usually through the usage of an infinite combo, and then immediately leaving the game afterward and letting the other people play the rest of the game out.

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          It’s best to use this trick when a person in particular is acting like a fiery twatwaffle of the douchenozzle variety.

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          Another variation on this include the use of a mass land destruction before turn 4, such as Armageddon or Ravages of War on a group of people who get a kick out of being arrogant.

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          One of Jeff’s favorite ways to spike a table is to play a deck who’s sole intention is to “blue screen” the game so that nobody can win. Typically this is accomplished through the usage of a combo where the intention is to cause the game to end in an intentional draw. (An example of this is equipping Assault Suit to Bronze Bombshell then donating it to an opponent.)

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          You’ll find out very quickly who has a sense of humor, and who gets easily irritated.

 

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5. Deploying The Sand Trap: Sandbagging Your Opponents.

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          Sometimes, life sucks. And you can’t do anything about it.

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          In those times when you’re behind the 8-Ball, sometimes all you can do sit there and look pretty. But that doesn’t mean that you’re completely out of options.

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          In fact, sandbagging is one such option you can deploy.

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          What is Sandbagging? It’s a gaming term that describes a tactic where you deliberately play below your actual ability in order to fool opponents into thinking that your competitive ability is actually a lot lower than it really is.

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          Here’s an example from practical experience, from a few months back:

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          There was a four player tournament cEDH game involving Jeff, an Oloro midrange deck, a Nekusar Wheel deck, and a Kess Storm deck. The Kess storm deck managed to lock out the table on turn 3 using Capsize, Paradox Engine, and 6 mana worth of mana rocks.

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          Not a fun time as you would imagine.

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          Under most circumstances, most people would scoop. But not Jeff. Why? It’s because he’s playing Ad Nauseam Fishbowl. Knowing his deck’s average converted mana cost is around 1.5, with a top out curve of 5 for Ad Nauseam, Jeff decides to keep playing cards, and decides to slow the pace down of his turns by constantly asking the Kess player if he wants to respond. He asks this, for every spell he plays, every time. He even goes through different phases attempting to get the Kess player to mess up.

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          This does seem to be a bit fishy, but what Jeff is doing is completely legal, because he’s still attempting to advance the board state, even though his entire board is still getting bounced by the Kess Capsize lock.

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          Eventually, the Kess player does mess up. He does so by using Capsize to target a Mishra’s Bauble that Jeff plays; in response, Jeff activates Bauble and fizzles the Capsize target. With Capsize in the yard, Jeff is able to trash all yards using Scavenger Grounds, thereby exiling the Capsize out of Kess’s graveyard.

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          After about 10 turns or so of constant back and forth, Jeff was able to tutor up a free mana rock using Vampiric Tutor (it was a Mox Opal) and get to five mana to play Ad Nauseam.

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          From an empty boardstate, Jeff won that game starting with nothing on the field.

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          The moral of the story? Sometimes, replaying things can really annoy your opponents. Especially if you keep asking for their response, and go through all of the official motions of each phase in each of your turns.

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          Do this enough, and you can eventually piss off the player who’s locking out the board.

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          Eventually, that’ll play to your favor when they slip up and misplay. And with any solid deck, all you need is a small opening in order to break through a wall like the Kool-Aid Man.

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6. Conclusion

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          In a future episode, at a time later to be determined, the Academy will delve deeper into the psychology of competitive gaming. And this will be done in such a way that it can help you get the advantage you need to win games.

 

          But why is that important?

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          Well, it’s just like Jaya Ballard says on the flavor text of Sizzle: "Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight everything with fire." 

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          People don’t always play on the same battlefield using the same rules of engagement that you do. And the fact is, whether you like it or not, some people have big egos and deep pockets.

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          Some people quite frankly, like comparing the size of their genitals with the size of their bank accounts.

 

          Some even equate the two together.

          That’s all the time that we have for this episode of Tryhard Academy. If you like this content, feel free to like and share this content with your fellow players. And as always, it’s always better to Get Good rather than Get Wrecked.

 

Works Cited:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPbBLcZo894

→ Married With Children; Al’s Best Insults (starring Ed O’Neill).

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeJCTyB5AUM (14:20 mark to 18:30 mark)

→ Ed O’Neill as a guest star on In Living Color (“The Dirty Dozens” segment).

→ Full segment runs from 09:35 mark to 18:30 mark.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandbagging

→ Sandbagging definition.